Oh back to school. My son started his sophomore year in high school this week. I was a bundle of nerves X 1000 last year when he started high school. I did not have a wonderful experience personally back in the day, but was hoping it would be better for him. Different times, different kids. A new generation. The worry was through the roof for me. We don’t only worry about them, we worry for them. Will they find their classes? Be able to open their lockers? I still have the memory of being so stressed about the locker situation. And of course, my 1st day, I was not able to open it. Luckily some sweet Seniors were running around helping us anxious Freshman. I still remember the girl who helped me. Tiny little thing with a huge smile on her face. Thank goodness for her.

But mainly we worry about them making some good connections. A friend or two they feel comfortable with. Someone they can be themselves with, to confide in or just vent to without the worry of this other kid sharing their thoughts. Teens are tough. They’re not the best secret keepers. Most of the time they want to talk about someone else to turn the focus away from them. I told my son, I promise that is the case 99% of the time. It’s not about you. It’s their own insecurities. Everyone is very worried about their own selves.

I often think of my favorite show Schitt’s Creek. The episode David is taking his driving test and he is a bucket of nerves. Alexis tells him “people aren’t thinking of you the way you are thinking of you. Nobody cares.” While blunt and a bit harsh, it resonated with him and me. It’s so true! I’ll never forget that bit of advice from dear beloved Alexis.

But at least back in the day, we didn’t have to worry about social media and all that comes with it. Talk about adding extra anxiety. Seeing first hand who’s talking about you, sharing of your personal texts or photos when unwanted, or seeing others attending parties you weren’t invited to, etc etc. It’s a lot. I definitely would have been a messier more insecure girl if I had to also deal with social media. I barely made it out alive AND I had a few good friends and uber supportive mom to help me…as best she could. I wasn’t able to tell her everything as most teens don’t and we have a very close relationship. It’s not realistic or fair to expect them to tell us everything. They need to have some things kept personal, understandably.

But we should still make sure to do the check ins. Keep the dialogue open. Try try not to ask too many questions that will only annoy them. Let them be the guide of when they are willing and down to talk. A lot of the time for my son, it’s driving in the car somewhere like to get a froyo, something non school related or majority of the time it’s in the evening before bed. I know this is the case for some of my other friends’ teens too. They seem to want to open up right before they have to sleep. 😵‍💫🥱 Well, I try to get over whatever tiredness I am feeling from the day and hunker down so he can spill.

All we can do is offer our ears and give extra hugs and just be their shoulder. I for one need to work on simply listening to what my son is saying and do my best not to be reactive. We immediately want to fix things for them. In certain situations the parent needs to get involved if things have escalated dangerously with some other student or the kid has sunk too deep into depression. But if it’s just day to day anxiousness about the homework or annoying situation, just try to listen. They won’t want to tell us anything if they see how reactive we are. Oh, I can’t tell mom or dad or whoever is their trusted person cuz they will flip out like they did last time. We don’t want them to completely shut down. I have been trying to ask my son do you want me to just listen, give you advice or help? Most of the time they just want to be heard. Imagine those out there that have no one they can to talk to. 😦 It breaks my heart.

We also have to remember we are coming out of a global pandemic. These kids were robbed of a year and a half of social interaction. My son has clearly stated that time really messed him up. 😞 I pray we never have to go through that again in our lifetime.

I remind him to go into school with a smile, stand tall. Be friendly and kind. No one will approach someone that looks grumpy or sad. Maybe do the opposite of whatever you’re feeling inside. What you put out there, you get back.

One of my friends told me their teen said they’ll give it a week to see how things go. I’m like, a week?! At least a semester! My smart friend said, well, a week is an eternity to a teen. True true. So, let’s just take this day by day by day.

In the urban dictionary, this particular word is: a pronunciation of meditative breaths used to reduce anxiety with the intention of eliminating anger or frustration. Woosah is the word. I’m woosah-ing alllll over the place, and popping my cbd gummy…day by day. As my mama would say: just breathe.

I hope they all have a peaceful school year with glimpses of happiness each day. 🙏🏼💟