Apparently 85% of what we worry about actually does NOT comes true. That’s mind boggling. This is an older article and to be fair, written before the global pandemic but a good article nonetheless. And a few tips on how to “rewire your brain to quiet the worry circuit.” Here

Everyone. Let’s all take a long deep breath. Let’s sit for a moment. I know you are all running and on the go. Working long hours. Watching your preteens and dealing with their changing hormones. Stressing about your full on teenagers and praying they are happy and at peace and being safe. Taking care of an elderly ill person. Taking care of a child with special needs and/or learning disabilities. Mourning the loss of a loved one. Feeling down about the state of your family and/or lack thereof. Not feeling supported by a partner. Trying to understand the complexity of your child unhappy in their body and wanting to be called a different name than the one you gave them. Working through aches and pains in your own body. Worrying incessantly about a senior family member and their health issues. Possibly dealing with perimenopause and all the joy (not) it brings. 😮‍💨 Sickened and depressed about the state of the world and all the injustice and inhumanity. IT’S… A L O T.

Do you ever take a minute and just sit with yourself and really marvel at all that you do on the daily? Like truly? You are a force. You go above and beyond. You must know that you are a super person. Do not get down on yourself if you make a mistake. Try not to feel inadequate if something doesn’t go the way you expected it to. Believe that you are amazing, caring and loving. My motto that I share with close friends is: let’s just take this day by day. That is all we can do. We get up and we do our best. Day by day. Just breathe. 🙏🏼💞

Oh back to school. My son started his sophomore year in high school this week. I was a bundle of nerves X 1000 last year when he started high school. I did not have a wonderful experience personally back in the day, but was hoping it would be better for him. Different times, different kids. A new generation. The worry was through the roof for me. We don’t only worry about them, we worry for them. Will they find their classes? Be able to open their lockers? I still have the memory of being so stressed about the locker situation. And of course, my 1st day, I was not able to open it. Luckily some sweet Seniors were running around helping us anxious Freshman. I still remember the girl who helped me. Tiny little thing with a huge smile on her face. Thank goodness for her.

But mainly we worry about them making some good connections. A friend or two they feel comfortable with. Someone they can be themselves with, to confide in or just vent to without the worry of this other kid sharing their thoughts. Teens are tough. They’re not the best secret keepers. Most of the time they want to talk about someone else to turn the focus away from them. I told my son, I promise that is the case 99% of the time. It’s not about you. It’s their own insecurities. Everyone is very worried about their own selves.

I often think of my favorite show Schitt’s Creek. The episode David is taking his driving test and he is a bucket of nerves. Alexis tells him “people aren’t thinking of you the way you are thinking of you. Nobody cares.” While blunt and a bit harsh, it resonated with him and me. It’s so true! I’ll never forget that bit of advice from dear beloved Alexis.

But at least back in the day, we didn’t have to worry about social media and all that comes with it. Talk about adding extra anxiety. Seeing first hand who’s talking about you, sharing of your personal texts or photos when unwanted, or seeing others attending parties you weren’t invited to, etc etc. It’s a lot. I definitely would have been a messier more insecure girl if I had to also deal with social media. I barely made it out alive AND I had a few good friends and uber supportive mom to help me…as best she could. I wasn’t able to tell her everything as most teens don’t and we have a very close relationship. It’s not realistic or fair to expect them to tell us everything. They need to have some things kept personal, understandably.

But we should still make sure to do the check ins. Keep the dialogue open. Try try not to ask too many questions that will only annoy them. Let them be the guide of when they are willing and down to talk. A lot of the time for my son, it’s driving in the car somewhere like to get a froyo, something non school related or majority of the time it’s in the evening before bed. I know this is the case for some of my other friends’ teens too. They seem to want to open up right before they have to sleep. 😵‍💫🥱 Well, I try to get over whatever tiredness I am feeling from the day and hunker down so he can spill.

All we can do is offer our ears and give extra hugs and just be their shoulder. I for one need to work on simply listening to what my son is saying and do my best not to be reactive. We immediately want to fix things for them. In certain situations the parent needs to get involved if things have escalated dangerously with some other student or the kid has sunk too deep into depression. But if it’s just day to day anxiousness about the homework or annoying situation, just try to listen. They won’t want to tell us anything if they see how reactive we are. Oh, I can’t tell mom or dad or whoever is their trusted person cuz they will flip out like they did last time. We don’t want them to completely shut down. I have been trying to ask my son do you want me to just listen, give you advice or help? Most of the time they just want to be heard. Imagine those out there that have no one they can to talk to. 😦 It breaks my heart.

We also have to remember we are coming out of a global pandemic. These kids were robbed of a year and a half of social interaction. My son has clearly stated that time really messed him up. 😞 I pray we never have to go through that again in our lifetime.

I remind him to go into school with a smile, stand tall. Be friendly and kind. No one will approach someone that looks grumpy or sad. Maybe do the opposite of whatever you’re feeling inside. What you put out there, you get back.

One of my friends told me their teen said they’ll give it a week to see how things go. I’m like, a week?! At least a semester! My smart friend said, well, a week is an eternity to a teen. True true. So, let’s just take this day by day by day.

In the urban dictionary, this particular word is: a pronunciation of meditative breaths used to reduce anxiety with the intention of eliminating anger or frustration. Woosah is the word. I’m woosah-ing alllll over the place, and popping my cbd gummy…day by day. As my mama would say: just breathe.

I hope they all have a peaceful school year with glimpses of happiness each day. 🙏🏼💟

Waaay back in Jan. 2021, I did a few blog posts about this thing called perimenopause (menopausal transition). Now, that word is everywhereeeee. Which is good! There’s been alot more research done, more discussions being shared on the public forum by the likes of dear Drew Barrymore and Oprah and other celebrities which is so so helpful for women that are wondering if there’s something wrong with them. Actress Naomi Watts now has a line of menopausal items called Stripes. I just purchased the supplement called “The Inside Addition.” I promise to report back!

There are tons of changes in body AND mind happening at this time. Physically one might have the uncomfortable feeling of bloat or the looming aching feeling that you’re going to get your period, but it never comes. Also one might have symptoms including memory loss, difficulty staying focused, word-finding difficulties, losing your train of thought and getting confused easily. I took these directly from this quick easy article and here . It’s a great breakdown of what I’m personally feeling and what other friends and family have shared. No, you’re not alone! This thing is REAL!

But this brain fog is something else. I’ve noticed, for me it has increased as of late, especially since last year and into turning 50. I was very heavily hit several days ago. My mom suggested it might be related to perimenopause. I thought maybe it’s Covid (tested myself-negative). It came on very strong and I felt light-headed and just icky and then cranky and moody. I have been under alot of stress and not eating great these last few weeks. And due to the weather, have not been able to get out and go for a walk which helps immensely. And yes, I’ve been lacking sleep. And raising a teen definitely challenges one’s brain (and sanity)! 😵‍💫 All of these things do not help the brain fog. After dinner just yesterday, I actually went to go take a nap. A 2 hour nap! 🙀 Very unheard of for me, but I did feel much better when I woke up. Just like puberty and other major changes in one’s body, we will get through it. Again, I stress, listen to your body and be kind to it! It’s the only one you got! 😘

Fifty. 50. I can’t believe it. I will say I’m looking forward to a new decade. I’m in the best shape I’ve been in in easily 10 years. And my family and dear friends are in overall good health except for some unavoidable aches and pains and other things that comes with age. I am happy. And at peace. I still am a worrier but that is just my nature, because I care. Maybe too much sometimes but working on it! I try not to let negativity in people affect me too much and I don’t dwell like I used to. I always trust my gut and stay true to what’s in my heart and do right by people. Check in with the ones you love. A simple text or call shows you care. Making a small kind gesture truly reverberates into the universe. You had an icky morning? Turn it around and repeat the rest of the day is going to be great. Don’t keep reiterating how crappy the day is. It sends out that negativity and hits you back. What you put out does come back to you. Always believe in yourself and never settle for less. We all deserve love and compassion and laughter. What’s the point of life if we don’t have those things in it? So be kind to yourself, love yourself and love with your whole heart.♥️ 50. I’m ready. 🙌🏼

I absolutely love this quote. It’s taken from Pastor Charles R. Swindoll. The actual statement made was: “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church….a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.”

This is something I have really been trying to accept and learn in my almost 50 years of living. When we are handed a stressful incident or someone does something that really makes us anxious or upset, it’s always our first instinct to be reactive. Our hearts beat fast. We get overwhelmed and want to lash out at whomever is in front of us or whom we are closest to. We may stress eat or drink. Now, I try to step back and look at the situation in front of me. Is this something I can control? The action of this person or situation? Majority of the time it’s the other person’s issue. Or it’s a stressor that we do not need to take on. I like to think of a baby. When you play peek-a-boo with him/her. They are so happy and giggling. Their reaction is everything. When presented with a challenging situation, try to handle it with a good attitude. Try. Life is about learning and trying. Life is about loving. Life is about being patient and kind to others AND yourself. We’re just doing our best in this life we have. Try. Trying.

Early morning pedicure, bike ride and stop at Backhaus for a warm croissant and latte. Zero regrets.
Self-Care. Took me a long time to get this. Give yourself some love so you have the energy to give love. 💗💗

So I went out in the crazy rain to Trader Joe’s last night. I am checking out at the register and notice a man behind me with a box of cereal and that’s all. Ok. I park a bit away from the busy lot as I always do. I prefer one section but it’s full so I parked 1 row over. It’s not as bright there. I walk slowly with my 2 bags while balancing my umbrella, pause to try to get my key to unlock the trunk and I hear a man’s voice behind me. It’s the cereal guy. “Hi.” Me: “OMG you scared me!” * I take a few steps back.” Him: “I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I saw you pause at the car.” *I’m scanning his face and trying to see if I recognize him but it’s hard with the lovely mask.* Me: “Oh that’s so nice of you. I’m all good, thanks!” Him: “Ok, well Merry Christmas.” Me: “Thank you. You too.” And I wait to see him walk clear across to the other parking lot. Being a woman, I’m always on my guard. I’m not paranoid, just cautious. I keep my head up, park in a lit area, have my key close by and ready to get in my car and lock the door when I get in the car. I also don’t dwindle too long sitting there. Never park next to a shady looking van. Always check inside your car before you get in. Etc., etc. Of course my Spidey senses were heightened. And the whole scenario was not ideal. I had no free hands to “fight” off anyone. It really sucks that I couldn’t immediately think he was just being a friendly citizen checking on another human being. This is the world we live in. All I pictured was Buffalo Bill dude throwing me in the car to make a body suit out of my skin But yea. I was too vulnerable in this moment. And I’ll make sure to make this a teachable moment for my son. Don’t approach a woman (or elderly person) in the dark in a storm with no one around. And cereal dude might have been just a nice guy who wanted to spread some kindness. I’ll never know.

I had a health scare recently. I’ve even mentioned it here on my blog about my tummy bloat. I had been noticing my stomach MUCH larger than normal. I chopped it up to the pandemic. Eating, too many cocktails, not enough exercise and also attributed it to possible perimenopause. I reached out to my OBGYN in Sept 2020 and she suggested an ultrasound. I was not thrilled about going to the doctors office in the middle of this lockdown. And quite honestly, pap smears and anything invasive ‘down there’ is never pleasant. So I put it off. Fast forward to April 21′. Stomach is ridiculously large. Scheduled all the stuff, finally. I was measuring like 5-6 months pregnant. 😱 Results come back. I have a 9×10 inch cystic mass tumor. Well, that would explain my bloat. Surgery completed this month, an ovary, fallopian tube and tumor removed. All benign which is most important. It was an extensive surgery as this mass was attaching to other organs. Yikes. The bottom line is, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. If something feels off, get it checked out. It will be a relief to hear it was nothing to worry about. Or the sooner you know, the better. I wish I had gone back in Sept of last year. Got it. Lesson learned. 🙏

Most of you know I lost my beloved cat, Lily of 17 years last month. Absolutely devastated. She was my baby, my shadow. In times of sadness and adversity, I’m mature enough now to determine who is really there for me and what relationships are simply superficial. I am personally excellent at checking in on people. I don’t know if it’s because I was an only child growing up and I craved that companionship. Almost like I always wanted to make an effort so the love would be returned to me. And I was lucky to have received that love from my mom, but I still yearned for it from others. Sometimes it was returned and sometimes not. I didn’t learn til later that some people just won’t feel the same about you no matter how hard you try. And that’s ok. It’s not for you. Through the years, I’ve filtered many people from my life who I didn’t feel were really a true friend, or made me feel sad. And even some distant family members. Blood is no exception. I don’t mean to say I want a relationship to be tit for tat, but it is not ok for it to always be one-sided or negative in tone constantly. Life is too short to be surrounded by unpleasant vibes. And if you feel you’re putting more into it and not receiving any care back, it’s time to move on. I can’t buy the excuse about someone being too busy. A check in takes a few seconds at minimum. Even if it’s a simple text to say “hey, how are you?” Or “was just thinking about you and hope you’re having a good day.” It may not seem like much effort, but to the other person, it is. Words matter. Take the time to show the ones you love you’re there and support them in the good and bad times. 🙂